The Abbot’s Notebook for January 31, 2018
My sisters and brothers in Christ,
Blessings to you! The first month of the New Year is already gone. The days are already getting longer and the nights shorter here in our part of the world. In other parts of the world, the opposite is happening. Tomorrow I begin my first trip of this year. Last year I went to Vietnam in January and then to South Africa in February. Then I got sick and had the two major surgeries. I did travel one more time last year and that was to our Monastery of Thien Tam in Texas, which became independent from us in June. I don’t plan to start having lots of long trips again!
We received a formal notice this past week that we shall have our Canonical Visitation starting on March 12th. A Canonical Visitation is a formal way of describing an evaluation of our community by outside authorities. The authorities come from our own Congregation but only visit us occasionally. This particular Canonical Visitation will be conducted by our Abbot President, Abbot Guillermo Arboleda Tamayo, and by Abbot Anselm Atkinson who is the Abbot of Pluscarden Abbey in Scotland and also the Abbot Visitor of the English Province.
When our community asked to enter the then “Subiaco Congregation” in 1981, we were directed to the English Province. Abbot David Parry, Abbot Emeritus of Ramsgate in England, was the Abbot Visitor at that time. He came to visit Christ in the Desert in 1982 and help us join the English Province of the Subiaco Congregation. The next Abbot Visitor of the English Province was Abbot Gilbert Jones, who became a very close friend and helper of our community. In the year 2011, a meeting of the houses of the Province called a “Provincial Chapter” was held. At that Chapter, Christ in the Desert and its then dependent houses were set apart from the Province in order to begin to form a new province. So for the last 6 ½ years, our community and our foundations have not been functioning in the English Province. We had hoped that in time we would be able to form a new province. At present, that is not going to happen. Instead, most likely, we will be placed directly under the care of the Abbot President.
All of these changes are simply ways to help our communities get on with monastic life. The role of a Congregation in our Benedictine way of life is to help each house remain faithful to monastic life, to check that each monastery is faithful to the Constitutions and the Church and finally to encourage the growth of the monastic gifts of the community.
Over the years that we have had these Visitations, starting in 1978, we have some of them very helpful and encouraging and others less so and some we found fairly negative. Again, this seems part of real life. Nothing is ever perfect and nothing is always ideal. There are ups and downs in all lives, even in the lives of monasteries!
Spiritually, the challenge is learning how to deal with the downs. Usually we deal well enough with things when they go in positive directions. But it is a challenge to learn how to deal with situations that seem negative and especially when those with “authority” don’t seem to listen well or to listen at all. There are times when we ourselves must learn to be silent. And there are times when we should speak out. This happens within the monastery all the time. If a new brother comes and is always questioning everything, then it usually indicates that something is wrong and that, most likely, he won’t be staying in our community. But we might see the same thing with brothers who come who never seem to question anything or to have a strong “for” or “against” relationship to things in life. That type also leaves quite frequently.
We humans are not always easy to live with—and I speak about myself as much as about anyone else. I can be touchy and grumpy and intolerant and non-listening even at the same time that I am seeking to be a faithful and true follower of the Lord Jesus! The challenge for a spiritual life is to begin to recognize when we are not living up to what God is asking of us and to begin the spiritual combat necessary to see our failings and our brokenness and how those affect others and then begin the spiritual combat to be more faithful to the Lord Jesus.
When I was young, I presumed that it would get easier as I got older. And quite to the contrary, sometimes I find the challenges much more difficult now that I am old. I am probably more used to the spiritual combat at this older age, but that does not take away the sting of having to recognize my own immaturity, my own inability to choose what is good and right and finally my own lack of deep love for the Lord. In the midst of all of that, my faith remains relatively strong and continues to deepen as I try to understand more fully the Lord in my life and in those around me.
For me at this point in my life, a lot of the spiritual life is just about remaining in the struggle and keeping my eyes on the Lord no matter how I mess things up. Of course, from the outside, most people see me as pretty good—but I am not under that illusion. I see myself from inside and not as others see me. I see the inner lacks and the inner unfaithfulness that are present within me.
Saint Benedict tells us monks to try to do the right thing, no matter what anyone else does. For me, it is a matter of seeing my own lack of faithfulness and still trusting in the Lord and still going on with the spiritual combat. I recognize clearly that only after death will there be some sense of being His completely. In this life, I only strive to keep handing my life over, no matter how many times I fail.
Enough! God loves me and God loves you and God invites all of us to His heavenly banquet. It is there in heaven that we can finally rejoice with Him forever. We must all learn to cling to the Lord as much as we can and have a completely trust that He is there with us and drawing us more and more to Himself.
I will celebrate a Holy Mass this week for you and for all of your needs and intentions. Please continue to pray for me and for all of the women and men in our communities. I send you my love and prayers.
Your brother in the Lord,
Abbot Philip
