The Abbot’s Notebook for February 1, 21017
Blessings to you! I am writing from Vietnam and will leave Vietnam tomorrow to return home. You can imagine I was a bit nervous arriving in Vietnam without an actual, physical visa in my passport. But I had received the formal letter from Vietnamese immigration, assuring me that I was approved for a Visa on Arrival. I was met as I left the place by the agent of the company which had helped me and within five minutes I had the actual visa in my passport. The whole episode was a completely positive experience—except my forgetting to get the visa first!
Our Brother John Baptist Chinh is always able to enter the airport and greet me inside and help me collect my baggage and get through customs. Outside, Brother James and some other candidates were waiting to greet me. The father and brother of Brother James were there as well as the mother of the candidate Dao Van Rinh. Most of us went to the family home of Brother John Baptist and were given a typical Vietnamese breakfast there with noodle soup. Then Brother James and his family took me to their home where I had a good nap!
Almost every day in Vietnam included Holy Mass in one Church or the other—but sometimes two Masses!—and then visiting with families of our brothers and celebrating the Lunar New Year. In the United States, as a whole, we don’t pay much attention to the Lunar New Year. For the Vietnamese and for some other Asian cultures, it is one of the most important holidays and celebrations of the whole year.
One aspect of the spiritual life is to give thanks always for all that happens. For instance, when I realized that I had forgotten to get a visa for Vietnam, I had to learn how to thank God for that and let go. Then when I was told that I could still get a visa, I had to give thanks to God for that and again let go. I had to give thanks to God for all the challenges of long international travel, such as a ten hour layover in Tokyo! I have to give thanks for feeling tired and sometimes irritable for the jetlag. I have to give thanks for the challenges of communication in another culture.
And so it goes…. When we learn to give thanks, we can generally be happy people all the time because we are not caught up with trying to control everything. That does not mean just letting go, but doing what we can and letting happen what happens. There is a huge difference between those who want to control everything and who are unhappy when they cannot control and those who don’t make any decisions and are as soft as warm butter. Somehow, in God, we want to be totally able to make good decisions and yet not become rigid and controlling. Not an easy balancing act! But possible always with God and with an awareness of our humanity.
One of my jokes with my brothers is that when I am at Christ in the Desert, I am their abbot. When I am in the country of a brother and with his family, that brother becomes my abbot because he is really the one who must make the decisions. This is especially true when I do not understand the culture nor the language! Sometimes I have to tell my brother that I have limits. When I just arrive in a country with a 14 hour time change, I cannot immediately adjust and stay up late every night and keep on going throughout the day. I need time to rest. If I am not given time to rest, then sometimes I fall asleep even when speaking with someone important!
For me, real life and spiritual life are often this process of seeking to do what is right at all times, but not having control over everything and sometimes a sense of a control over nothing—and in the midst of that, seeking to find what God wants. Sometimes I find myself praying: O God, I have no idea where You are in the midst of all that is happening, but let me trust that You are there and seek Your will.
Most of the time I have a sense of what God wants of me and a fairly clear sense of what is sin in my life. That does not make life any easier! Even though I may have a good idea of what God wants, sometimes I seem not to have the power to do it. And even though I sometimes know what sin is in my life, there are times when I still choose sin. Then I am embarrassed at myself. No one else usually knows what is going on in my or about these inner choices—but I do, and that is enough. I know that I am not faithful and find myself at times incapable of being faithful—and still I trust in the mercy of God and keep getting back on the way, which is where I know I belong.
Many times in my life I have been asked: why do you keep trying if you always fail? My answer is always the same: I know the path on which I am to walk and there is no life for me in any other path. Even when I fail, I know the path and can get back on it. I may be like one who might never arrive, but I know where I am going.
I was thinking about this notebook as we were driving through downtown Ho Chi Minh City traffic. Each one who is driving has some idea where he or she is going. There are at least 7 million registered motorcycles in Ho Chi Minh City and at any one time, I can usually see several thousand of them. A car is much rarer than a motorcycle here. And a car takes more space and motorcycles are on all sides almost all the time. But the cars go slowly enough that the motorcycles have time to adjust. It is a real miracle that there are not more accidents! Traveling the road of life, the path of life, is very similar. We can go along slowly without accidents but if we do have an accident, we must get up and go on. Some accidents are fatal but most of the daily accidents are not fatal but only humiliating.
Enough for this week. Next week I will writing from home again. I promise my love and prayers for you. I will celebrate Holy Mass for you and for your needs and intentions once this week. Please keep praying for me and for the sisters and brothers in our communities.
Your brother in the Lord,
Abbot Philip
