The Abbot’s Notebook for January 4, 2017
Blessings to you! These have been strong and wonderful days in the Monastery after Christmas and now after the New Year has begun. For me, of course, the days are more crowded than other days. More brothers seem to have ups and downs at this time of year and that takes time. More guests want to speak with me and that takes more time. There is a huge amount of both regular mail and electronic mail. And so my life gets so filled that I rarely have time to do anything except just survive. That is a celebration? Yes, in some ways, it is. And usually I go over all of the accounting for the past year as well.
Celebration means to publicly acknowledge something with some kind of activity. We often talk about priests celebrating Mass. Or we talk about the celebrations of important dates in the year, such as Christmas or New Year. Some celebrations are joyful and some can be sad, such a celebrating the anniversary of a death or a war.
Christmas and New Year Day have both joyous and less joyous aspects. Spiritually, both days can be seen as joyous. We celebrate the birth of Jesus, who is our Lord. The Eastern Churches, however, recognize that in His birth is also the prediction of His death. That is true in our own lives but we tend to look at youth as full of life and then as we age, we begin to think more about death. New Year’s Day is the ending of the old year and the beginning of the New Year. One has to “die” before the other can begin.
This happens in our spiritual lives as well. So much of our spirituality has to be about dealing with the changes that happen in our lives, our families and our communities. We can find ourselves not wanting anything to change or we can find ourselves wanting everything to change. My own personal challenge often is to be still in the midst of all that happening, recognizing that I want something to change or I do not want something to change—and learning to accept whatever happens, change or no change.
Some days I seem able to adjust to whatever is happening and not get stuck on what I may want or not want. Other days, I have to work a lot to come to an inner freedom. In our spiritual tradition this is the struggle to be indifferent. Indifferent in this sense is not the same as apathetic or uncaring or without feeling. It can mean to care deeply but to keep a distance from whatever happens so as to love and care more deeply.
There was a Greek philosophy called stoicism. It has a bad name because it seems to imply not caring about anything. Actually, stoicism can be understood as a development of self-control and fortitude in order to overcome destructive emotions. There is much we can learn from stoicism even if we would not accept all of its teachings.
I remember when I first began to read St. Ignatius of Loyola and began to reflect on discerning things. In order to listen deeply to what God may want of me, I had to learn how to go deeply within and let go off all of my own desires in order that I could possibly hear what God might be saying. Letting go is not easy at all, especially if we have strong feelings and ways of thinking. Yet, the struggle against ourselves is at the heart of the spiritual life.
It is not easy to struggle against oneself. It is so much easier to fight other people and leave ourselves alone. What do I mean by struggling against oneself? Basically I mean learning to come to this inner place of peace in which I can listen attentively to God and to what God might be asking of me. But I have to be truly at peace in order to listen. Getting to that place of peace is a struggle! I don’t find myself naturally at the place of peace all of the time. Sure, there are times when I can be peaceful and without stress and pressure. But when I begin to think about a decision or about a situation, I have feelings and preferences and wishes and repulsions. I need to acknowledge all of that and then learn how to go beyond all of that to this inner place of peace.
When I am tired and try to get to that inner place of peace, I often just fall asleep and when I wake, I still have to work to come to that inner place of peace. So I have learned over many years that sufficient sleep is important. I don’t need to have lots of sleep but I must have adequate sleep. I have also learned that eating too little or too much affects my capacity to come to this place of inner peace. If I eat too little and then try to be still, hunger keeps at me. If I eat too much and then try to be still, I go to sleep again.
So if I have enough sleep and don’t eat too much or too little, do I always come to the inner place of peace and tranquility? No! Those conditions just allow me to begin to see what is happening within me! There are some times, for instance, when I am trying to write this Notebook and brothers keep knocking at my door and the phone keeps ringing and so on. Other days, I can sit down to write and no one knocks at the door and the phone does not ring. That is ideal, of course, and it does happen at times. But the challenge is when things are not ideal and I must still find a way to write something. That is spiritual combat.
Or other days when a brother comes to tell me how wrong I am about something or, like today, a brother comes to tell me that my memory is showing some signs of forgetfulness and perhaps I should see my doctor about it. Or another day when I brother comes to tell me that I am really unfair in the way that I treat others and then proceeds to tell me what I should do—and within me, I know that what he is suggesting simply won’t work in the situation where he wants me to act that way. Yet I still must be still and listen and not react or even reply.
How to deal with the situation of another person who needs help but does not want it. Perhaps I am that person at times. And on and on. There are so many things that can come into a daily life and keep pushing at any one of us. So we must work at seeking God first and then dealing with whatever happens in the best way that we can. That is spiritual combat.
As always I send you my love and prayers. I send you prayers for this New Year of 2017. May spiritual combat be a blessing and not just a struggle. May we all find a way to respond to God and to give our lives to Him. He must be first in all things and we must still live in our ordinary lives. I promise to celebrate a Holy Mass this week for you and for your needs and intentions. Please pray for me and for all of the women and men of our associated communities. I send you my love and prayers.
Your brother in the Lord,
Abbot Philip
