The Abbot’s Notebook for November 30, 2016
Blessings to you! It snowed here at Christ in the Desert this year on the First Sunday of Advent! God has His own designs, for sure, but sometimes the beginning of a new season is wonderfully accompanied by changes in the weather.
Last Friday and Saturday I made a quick trip to the Monastery of Thien Tam in Texas to confer minor ministries on two brothers there. On the way back, I met up with a new candidate for our monastic life. Now I should be home for a good block of time!
On Thanksgiving Day last week, we had a traditional Thanksgiving meal. Most people know that we try not to eat the flesh of four footed animals. Occasionally for some great feast or for some clearly good reason, we dispense from that rule, but not often. This means that our protein comes large from fish, fowl and combining vegetables and rice. Because we normally eat fowl, a Thanksgiving Turkey does not offend our rule of life.
At one point in our history we were almost completely vegetarian, with neither fish nor fowl. This is how our community has evolved bit by bit. At one point we had only a short and modified habit. Then we returned to the full traditional habit. At one point we had a strongly modified Divine Office (our prayer books for the prayers throughout the day). Then we decided to return to the Divine Office according to the Rule of Saint Benedict.
For us “seniors,” these changes are a part of our living memory. For the newer monks, they only know the changes through the stories that we tell. Sometimes a newer generation has to try the same things that we tried because they did not have the experiences that we had. And, sometimes things change!
This is also a lesson for the spiritual life. Things change! If our spiritual life never has any changes, something is surely wrong. I don’t mean enormous changes, but still real changes. Perhaps my experience is different from others, but I think not all that different. Over the years I have had some long periods of peace and tranquility and just returning to pray as to an old friend. Then there have been periods when prayer did not seem friendly at all. Instead, I had to make myself be still and had to make myself be aware of God’s presence in my life in a personal way. For me, it is always certain that God is present and that God loves me. On the other hand, sometimes I stray pretty far away from the experience of that reality at a meaningful level. I don’t even like the expression “at a meaningful level” but it seems to say what I want to say. There are times when prayer is just plain boring and does not seem to touch me.
The challenge given to me always comes from the tradition: keep praying whether it feels good or not, whether there is any sense of God’s presence or not. This is a challenge for any of us, for all of us. Keep on praying whether it feels good or bad, whether there is any sense of God’s presence or not.
Sometimes I have told others: try praying in different ways. I say this not to encourage anyone to “feel better” about prayer, but simply to be aware that God comes into our lives in many ways. Sometimes we don’t let God in because we are so set on praying in only one way or because we have an inner idea of how God might be present.
Part of the medieval tradition and even back to the Greeks is that beauty and truth can reveal the presence of God. We must allow ourselves to experience beauty and truth at times. We must allow ourselves to be still with the Word of God from time to time. Saint Benedict always tells us to meditate on the word, to hold the word, to just keep striving to penetrate the word. Only God can reveal Himself to us, but we must do our part.
For me, just to be still and to renew my awareness that God is always with me and always holds me is often enough to put me into the reality of prayer. At other times, however, that does nothing except make me aware of how empty I am before the Lord.
Whether I feel good or bad about prayer, whether I sense God’s presence or only His absence, I try to take time to spend with Him. It is up to Him if He wants to make me more aware of His love and care for me. God has ways of showing His love for us that we will never understand. The Scriptures are full of instances when what looked to be a disaster turned into completely wonderful expression of God’s love. And the Scriptures also show over and over that those who look successful in this life often are not successful because they are not seeking the will of the Lord.
My own life has been filled with inconsistencies over all the years of my life. On the other hand, seeking God has been like a guiding star for me and always I am aware from within me when it is God that I seek and not the other joys and pleasures of life. Yes, I am more consistent in old age! But still not entirely given over to the Lord. I expect the spiritual combat to go on until I die and awake in the embrace of the Lord. For me, the Sacrament of Reconciliation (confession) has been an enormous help throughout my life. This encounter with the living God has been such a blessing. Sure, there were times when I was embarrassed humanly to confess my sins. Over the years, however, I have found that confession has strengthened me in good and helped me fight the temptations that lead me astray.
The usual daily celebration of Holy Mass, the receiving of communion and the regular confession of my sins and failures—these practices combined with the normal daily prayer schedule of a monk have been the “road” on which I walk, hoping to be ever more united with God.
As always I promise my prayers for you and for your needs and intentions. I beg your prayers for me and for the sisters and brothers of our communities. I will celebrate Holy Mass once this week for you. May the Lord bring us all together to everlasting life.
Your brother in the Lord,
Abbot Philip
